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‘If announced before arrival it makes the presumption that you expect something cooked specially for you (an incredibly rude thing to do). If mentioned at any point after arrival it condemns the rest of the guests to one of the most tedious topics of conversation. The truth is that very few of us arrive at dinner on the brink of starvation and invariably there are more than enough other things to accompany the meat. The non-veg bit of the meal should be declined, quietly, as anyone else would do when offered swedes or greens if they were a pet hate. If you are a neurotic and starving vegetarian, bring your hosts chocolate or a lovely cheese for a present, just in case.’
Q. A.E.’s husband’s desire to spotlight his Maserati ownership may backfire. I recall attending a Sunday League game at Lord’s one afternoon in about l980. A Tannoy announcement asked, ‘Would the owner of the silver Jensen registration XYZ please…’ whereupon about 50 people ostentatiously stood up and made as if to go in response. Far from appearing as the fascinating owner of an upmarket and prestigious set of wheels, your correspondent’s husband may simply appear to be one of a herd of unoriginal jokesters. As an aside, I wonder why these cars are always silver?
E.C., by email
A. Thank you for reopening this enjoyable debate.
Q. I live in a (comparatively) grand house in Kensington. Every so often there is a knock at the door and I will find someone standing there collecting money for charity, or saying they are selling something in order to raise their self-esteem as they have just come out of prison. I don’t want to deal with these people. I already give a lot of money to charity but when I say this they always try to engage me in conversation, asking which charity, etc. How should I gracefully get rid of them without depleting their ‘self-esteem’?
A.C., W8
A. See them off pleasantly by saying, ‘I’m afraid my boss works nights, so he is asleep at the moment. I’m just cleaning up here.’
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