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A. You should arrange with your husband that he will indicate his true feelings by adopting a wordless code of the sort used by discreet bidders in auction houses. For example, when he hears an invitation being issued your husband should adopt the stance of holding his chin. If he wants to accept the invitation, he continues to hold his chin. If he does not he lets his hand drop. If he keeps his hand in place your answer will be yes. If he lets it drop you can say, “What a shame we are away at that time!’ If he fails to obey the code he has only himself to blame.
Q. Now that I am in my early sixties and married with two young children I find that, while I still enjoy going out to dinner or having people in, I have to more or less do it on autopilot. I simply do not have the same stamina for dressing up in black tie, or even for changing for dinner, as I used to, since I am generally shattered after the children’s bathtime. Is there a way in which one can get away with not making the sartorial effort without causing offence, Mary?
A.B., London W8
A. Just purchase an elasticated bow-tie from Marks & Spencer and snap this on to your neck on top of whatever else you are already wearing. This will show that your heart is in the right place.
Q. My sister and I are having a joint 18th and 21st in two weeks’ time. Our parents have spent a fortune on the party and are putting up teepees and hiring a live band, but hardly any of our friends have RSVPd. How should we chase them?
Name and address withheld
A. Circulate a rumour that lavish party bags will be dispensed. However, your strict parents are adamant that they should only go to those guests who had the courtesy to RSVP in good time. Commitment-phobes will have to go without.
Q. I am sorry to read that G.W. of Wilts is feeling old at 52. May I suggest that he simply goes to church? There is rarely anyone in the congregation under the age of 70 and it is much cheaper than going all the way to Madeira to find people older than himself.
S.H., Woodborough, Wilts
A. How kind of you to send in this very useful suggestion.
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