Toby Young
Already a subscriber? Log in
In retrospect, perhaps this was not the best story to tell the Association of Retired Librarians.
I have never mentioned this to my friend James Lewisohn, but I was still surprised when he asked me to be his best man last Saturday. He has read my memoir, The Sound of No Hands Clapping, and therefore knows all about the best man speech I gave in 2000. This was at the wedding of my friend Sean Macaulay, whose sister, Sarah, is married to the Prime Minister. Not only was Gordon present, but so too was the then editor of The Times. My opening gag went as follows: ‘Sean told me he’s feeling very relaxed tonight. It’s the first wedding he’s ever been to in which he doesn’t feel guilty about having f***ed the bride the night before.’
I stole this line from a writer and journalist called Tim Geary — and when he used it, it went over like gangbusters. Unfortunately, the same could not be said of me, possibly because Sean’s wedding reception took place at the Chevy Chase Country Club in Washington. His bride was the daughter of a partner in a prestigious Washington law firm and neither he nor his colleagues had ever heard a wedding ‘toast’ quite like this. I ploughed on for at least 20 minutes and did not get a single laugh.
More recently, I was the best man at my friend Sean Langan’s wedding in Ibiza. The bride’s mother was German and I was given carte blanche provided I did not make any anti-German jokes. Naturally, this was like a red rag to a bull. ‘You can tell there’s a German contingent at this wedding,’ I began, ‘because of all the beach towels placed over the first three rows of seats in the church.’
Afterwards, I approached the bride’s mother and said I hoped she hadn’t been too offended. ‘At first it was quite funny, but then you went too far,’ she said. ‘I’d forgotten about the obsession you British have the Germans — always with the same stupid jokes. It’s really quite boring.’
At James’s wedding, the taboo topic was the Middle East, on account of the fact that he is a Danish Jew and his bride is a Turkish Muslim. By now I had learnt my lesson and only mentioned the Arab-Israeli conflict half a dozen times. Only kidding — it was the mildest best man speech I’ve ever given.
The only slightly cruel joke was at the beginning: ‘It’s customary at this point to read out messages from people unable to be here, so a couple of weeks ago I sent an email to Jacob Rothschild, James’s former employer, asking if he’d like to send a few words. He very kindly sent this reply: “Dear Mr Young, Could you remind me when Mr Lewisohn worked here? It doesn’t ring any bells, I’m afraid.’’’
Completely made up, obviously — and James was very good-humoured about it. Some of his friends were less forgiving, however. There were several Americans present who could not understand why I was so ‘rude’ about my friend. I gently explained to them that, by British best man standards, my speech about James was a hagiographic eulogy.
Also in Society
Also by Toby Young
Latest
Comments
Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months
Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.
UNLOCK ACCESS Just $5 for 3 monthsAlready a subscriber? Log in