Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 14 March 2013

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Alexander Larman

What happened to the Rishi Sunak I knew at school?

Q. For the past three years my family has taken a house with another family for a week in the summer. We all still get on really well but we have decided that this year we feel like doing something different. The problem is how to tell the other family so they don’t take it badly (they are a bit insecure and needy). It is coming up to the moment when we plan the holiday, so suggestions would be welcome.
— Name and address withheld

A. It is important not to feed this family’s insecurity by patronising them or being overly reassuring. Next time you are chatting, casually enquire what weeks in the summer they are free as if it was no big deal. Make a careful note of the weeks they definitely cannot do. There are bound to be some. Then ring back and say ‘Disaster! We looked at our calendar and those weeks — which are the only ones you can’t do — are the only ones we can do. Let’s go for a long weekend instead.’

Q. How do you force people to RSVP to party invitations? Because so few people replied to my last invitation I didn’t know how many were coming, so failed to ask my B list. The result was a rather small party with lots of people offended they hadn’t been asked. (I see Nicky Haslam has put on his latest invitation ‘RSVP essential’. Do you think that would work?)
— Name and address withheld

A. There is an epidemic of discourtesy about RSVPs and it is time party-goers were disciplined. As usual Nicky Haslam — whose most overlooked quality is kindness, incidentally — is ahead of the game. By insisting on an RSVP to the launch for Folly de Grandeur, Nicky can force an answer from those people who he may have suspected would be abroad on the night anyway, or undergoing surgical procedures, and expand his guest list to maximum potential. Other hosts (and guests) take note. 

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