Deborah Ross

Top of my mustn’t see list: The Iron Mask reviewed

Worse things have come out of China lately, but it’s a close shave

• From magazine issue: 25 April 2020

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  Top of my mustn’t see list: The Iron Mask reviewed

  

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• The Iron Mask

  12A, major streaming platforms

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What happened to the Rishi Sunak I knew at school?

But you don’t know this at the outset, so at first your brain tries to make sense of it. Why does an English aristocrat (Charles Dance) have a Russian daughter? Why is Peter the Great an American? Why are there four pigs pulling a sleigh in the background? How is it that someone can receive a homing-pigeon message from a prisoner locked in a windowless dungeon? Why is the CGI so crap? Why are the actors so overdubbed? How much more of this to go? Why aren’t I dead? Truly, if you’re only going to not see one film this week, then make it this one rather than, for example, Trolls World Tour. Although that isn’t to say Trolls World Tour isn’t also worth not watching, as it very much is. (It’s the sequel to Trolls, which came out in 2016, and which you may want to not watch first.)

Anyway, I’ll certainly keep an eye on what to not watch for as long as we’re in lockdown — you’re welcome — and I’m actually quite excited about all that’s coming up. Cats, for instance, is being released on to streaming platforms next month, although maybe that’s a must-see mustn’t-see? Sorry if that’s confusing but do remember: we are negotiating uncharted territory here. And I am trying my best.