Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 2 June 2012

• From magazine issue: 02 June 2012

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  Mary Killen

  Dear Mary | 2 June 2012

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Alexander Larman

What happened to the Rishi Sunak I knew at school?

Q. My mother-in-law affects airs and graces in the social arena but within the confines of the home has several bad habits. The worst is coughing loudly, frequently and energetically without putting anything (a handkerchief, a hand) in front of her mouth. How can she be politely advised that this is socially unattractive and unhygienic?
— Name withheld, Lincolnshire

A. This kind of behaviour smacks of attention-seeking. The best way to cure this habit is to have boxes of tissues in every room and to respond instantly to each cough by proffering the box, all the while wearing a friendly but concerned facial expression. This Pavlovian method of correction is usually highly effective. The offender quickly becomes bored of protesting that they do not need a tissue, as clearly they do. ‘Take one for the next time?’ you can suggest pleasantly.

Q. I opened a letter in error which was destined for another member of my club. The letter refers in salacious detail to adultery committed by this member with the author of the letter. I cannot put it back into another envelope and reseal and readdress it because I cannot replicate the handwriting. I cannot pass it to my fellow member saying that I have opened it in error since knowing that I had seen the contents would be very embarrassing to him. What should I do?
— Name and address withheld

A. If such a letter merely contains a lustful reminiscence of recent coupling then you should dispose of it without guilt. Bear in mind that certain people having affairs send such reckless letters secretly hoping that there will be a mix-up and the letter will be opened by the wrong person. The affair will be revealed — thus triggering divorce. Simply put the letter in the bin or, ideally, burn it, and think no more about it.