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Q. Mary, what should you do when someone you have never met before, but who has come into your house via the introduction of a mutual friend, accidentally smashes a priceless object five minutes after they have walked in? This happened to me recently and I don’t think my reaction was very dignified. Please advise.
V.G.S., Hereford
A. The cultivation of natural-sounding laughter is one of the most useful social skills that can be honed. Older aristocrats and Sloane Rangers can produce it at will. Some of them can even produce a meaningless but very desirable background laughter — a sort of perma-gurgling — to enliven dinner parties and break the ice in sticky situations. When an unexpected incident like this occurs, the skill comes into its own. Victims of such breakages should be mindful that in the long term the smashed object will be replaced, either by the unfortunate smasher or by insurance monies. In the short term, therefore, to keep the social ambience cheery and give the smasher the benefit of the doubt, you must look stern for around 15 seconds then roar with good-natured laughter.
Q. What is the correct term for a woman who has one to dinner or to stay? I always feel uneasy when referring to someone as my ‘hostess’. It seems such a naff word. What is the answer?
H.B., London W11
A. You have probably been confused by hearing people talk about air hostesses and hostess trolleys. ‘Hostess’ is the correct word to describe someone who is giving you hospitality but the emphasis must be on the first syllable — hostess.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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