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Q. I wonder if you can help me with this little dilemma. Following a chat with a few friends on our lawn recently, several kindly complimented me on my collection of garden gnomes (I have 42). Imagine my delight when one friend turned up later offering me another little chap on ‘appro’ as it were, and if I liked him I would be welcome to keep him. Of course, I gratefully accepted, but was dismayed to find later that the little chappie sported a tartan kilt, and clearly visible was the irremovable label which announced him as ‘Gay Gordon’. I’m not a ‘sexist’ person but I am frankly disturbed by this nomenclature; but neither do I want to offend my friend by non-acceptance of Gordon, which was a generous gesture. What should I do, Mary?
G.W., York
A. Think through all the senior family members who might go through your garden each year. You can be sure that at least one of them would be deeply offended by Gay Gordon were you to draw their attention to the label and wind them up about the whole concept of gay gnomes. Then ring up your friend and express sincere gratitude for his generosity but also sincere misgivings about housing the gnome due to the undoubted offence it would give to your elderly relation. ‘You know what it’s like with that generation,’ you can sigh. ‘And when people are getting feebler I think it’s wrong to victimise them because of their beliefs, don’t you?’
Q. Your correspondent who suffers during the ‘peace’ at church should learn to play the organ. If the console is well away from the congregation (up in a loft, for instance), all is well and good. If, however, it is placed invitingly close to the choir or congregation, the tip is to start ferreting among sheets of music and/or pulling out stops in readiness for the following hymn the moment the ‘peace’ is announced.
D.W., Oakham, Rutland
A. It should not be necessary to go quite so far to avoid the ‘peace’ but your tip might well prove invaluable for members of tiny congregations.
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