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Q. I am a member of a golf club that is considered to be one of the best in southern England and where non-members enjoy playing. Naturally, in addition to paying an annual subscription, there is a cost if one invites a guest to play. As is usual with this type of established club, the cost is not exorbitant. However, among our friends, the unwritten rule is that the guest offers to pay this green fee and, depending on the circumstances, this is either accepted or refused. The important thing is to offer to pay. My problem is that I have a good friend who never offers to pay. I enjoy playing with him, but inwardly I groan each time I invite him as I know that I will end up paying his green fee and this puts me off. Does he not realise that the credit crunch is affecting more people than one thinks? Do you have a suggestion of either how I can get him to pay without causing offence or something I can do to avoid being irritated by it?
J.H., Hampshire
A. The offender may have been genuinely confused by etiquettes prevailing at other clubs and may think that as a ‘guest of a member’ rather than a ‘member’s visitor’, it is incorrect for him to offer to pay the green fees. Put him in the picture once and for all by inviting two other friends to join you, two novices to this course. Prime one of them in advance so that, as you dart back to your car for something you have ‘forgotten’, he can ask of the offender pleasantly, ‘I understand the etiquette in this club is that even though we are the member’s guests, we offer to pay our own green fees. Do you know how much they are?’
Q. I own a wonderful bra which gives me the best support and silhouette but which, because it belonged originally to my grandmother in the 1950s, has become a disgusting colour (even though it is clean). It has some sort of rubber in it so cannot have the discolour taken out no matter what. I am at boarding school and people come into my room all the time. As is the norm we all look through one another’s clothes when visiting rooms and everyone screams when they see this bra and they insist I bin it. I want to keep it to wear with home clothes so how can I resist this ‘peer pressure’, Mary?
Name and address withheld
A. Address a white padded envelope to ‘Rigby & Peller’, but leave it unstamped. Use a clip envelope fastener to store the bra in there and put it among your papers. If anyone asks, say you are going to send it off to Rigby & Peller (corsetières to HM the Queen) to see if you can commission a copy of the bra, but are waiting till you have enough money. Meanwhile, take the bra in and out of the envelope and continue to wear it at your convenience. Even if you are caught out wearing it, your known good intentions will allow you partial exculpation.
If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, c/o The Spectator, 22 Old Queen Street, London SW1H 9HP.
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