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A. The owner of a rival shoot responds as follows: ‘I think this is quite an unusual attitude — when we invite “day guns” to our shoot we expect them to just come for the day, unless there’s a particular reason for them to come to dinner as well, and there usually isn’t. In our neck of the woods we find most day guns a bit dreary, usually being earnest neighbours.’ Clearly the day guns in your neck of the woods are superior, so why not trick them into compliance? Book them in for dinner on, say, 20 November. Once they have agreed, say ‘We’re having a shoot that day, would you like to join us for that as well?’
Q. How do you pronounce the now ubiquitous grain quinoa? I thought it was ‘quin-oh-haa’, then got laughed at by Notting Hill folk who say ‘key-nwah’. Which is correct?
— L.G., London SW10
A. It is indeed pronounced ‘key-nwah’ in the Andean region of South America, where it originates, but the English pronunciation should be ‘quin-oah’ with the emphasis on the first syllable. Pronouncing it in the South American way would be like pronouncing Paris ‘paree’. You may expect further laughter from Notting Hill as the craze for the foodstuff sweeps through the borough and out into other pockets of pretension around the country. A timely reminder — with ‘Jubilee’, the emphasis is on the first syllable.
Q. My school has asked me to sing at an end-of-term concert in front of parents. It is a great honour but I know that some boys in my year will be making faces at me from the audience and trying to make me laugh. What should I do?
— Name and address withheld
A. You can outwit the would-be saboteurs by asking friends to sit through your rehearsals pulling faces from roughly the same seats where the boys are likely to be positioned. With practice you will learn how to ‘rise above’ this nuisance by focusing your eyes on a spot well above the boys’ heads while allowing the rest of your vision to glaze over.
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