Q. We entertain a lot and are used to coping with requests from guests who are vegetarian or have an allergy, etc. However, recently a guest replied that he would like to attend a dinner (given to enable discussion of a political matter) and he would like to eat either a 600g salmon steak or a beef steak, either to be served with boiled broccoli. What would be your reaction, Mary?
—T.C., London W1
A. Normally one would withdraw the invitation with ‘Sorry, that could be problematic — perhaps another time’, but if this character’s attendance is important for political reasons, then go along with his stipulation, but so as to be seen to pander to him. Make salmon or steak and broccoli the main course for everyone, but with something key, like butter-based sauce, served in individual side dishes — for normal guests, but not for him. When he asks for some, exclaim pleasantly, ‘Oh sorry! But I am sure you did not mention sauce when you rang with your order.’ The fact that everyone will then know you have tailored the dinner to suit him might put him on the back foot should any later political disputes arise.
Q. I have several intelligent and articulate legal friends who are often present at my dinner parties. When two or more are invited, conversation inevitably turns to their profession. The protracted legal discussions irritate and exclude other guests, and me. Apart from undergoing legal training, or issuing a gagging injunction, how can I stop this?
—L.S., by email
A. You could become a pest, trying to extract names and background revelations and saying, when they baulk, ‘Then please don’t tantalise us with stories we are not equipped to understand about people we know nothing about.’ Or you could sidestep the nuisance by following the lead of one of Dear Mary’s advisers, half of whose friends are ‘racing folk’ and the other half assorted types. In early entertaining life, ST found the racing folk invariably dominated the table. They did not mean to exclude the rest but were powerless to resist the urge to talk about their driving passion with like-minded others. ST solved the problem by compiling three address books: one listing people who only wanted to talk about racing, one for people who resented racing talk, and one for people who were happy either way. This allowed her to curate subsequent dinners towards more compatible outcomes.
Q. I met the Duchess of Cornwall at last week’s enthronement of Archbishop Justin Welby. I bobbed with my right knee but the woman after me sank right to the ground, with her left knee to the fore. Which is correct?
—Name and address withheld
A. You were correct to only bob your right knee on this busy occasion when theatrical curtseys would have halted momentum.
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