Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 5 February 2011

Your problems solved

• From magazine issue: 05 February 2011

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  Mary Killen

  Dear Mary | 5 February 2011

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Alexander Larman

What happened to the Rishi Sunak I knew at school?

Q. A junior member of my family has a crush on a young man.  She  invited him to stay with us for a forthcoming country event.  He accepted verbally but she has heard nothing since. We all know how flakey the young are but she does not like to show her hand by chivvying him to see if he is coming or not. I feel that once we get him in through the door of our house everything will fall naturally into place but we are looking at the possibility of the boy not coming at all. What to do, Mary?
— H.W., Yorkshire

A. The boy may usually operate within the world of flakeheads but he must still be aware of the existence of a parallel world wherein adult hosts need facts and figures so they can orchestrate the maximum enjoyment for their guests. The young are used to being chased on social matters. Had your protegée invited an unattractive young man, she would have no qualms in chasing him for details of train arrival times and so on. She must see that not to chase, in this situation, will be much more of a giveaway than chasing.

Q. What to do when one person joining you for lunch with other female friends announces that she is not hungry but will just have water? This has happened on more than one occasion with a particular woman and I feel it is bad manners. It is not that she cannot afford to eat — she is just weird. I find it unnerving having someone at a lunch table just staring at everyone else’s plates.  
— C.F., London SW3

A. This is immensely rude, to the restaurant as well as to fellow diners. Why not explain that you have been told it is just as bad luck for one person at the table not to eat as for 13 to sit down? Can you treat her to a salad to propitiate the fates? She will soon be shovelling the salad into her mouth and normality will be resumed.