Mary Killen

Dear Mary

Q. A member of my social circle, a local celebrity of sorts, has created a Facebook group the title of which contains a glaring spelling error.

• From magazine issue: 28 July 2007

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Alexander Larman

What happened to the Rishi Sunak I knew at school?

Q. Having offered to help at my daughter’s Pony Club camp I fear I have bitten off more than I can chew. I have been asked to sleep
in a room between the boys’ and the girls’ dormitories. I am supposed to leave my room door open so that I can be alert to any monkey business in the night should the boys try to go into the girls’ room. Given that they almost certainly will have a go at this traditional prank, and given that one or two of the boys have little or no respect for the authority of an ‘old bag’, I worry that I will have to resort to shrieking in an undignified manner when they make their inevitable excursion along the corridor and I order them to turn back. I do not wish to embarrass my daughter by having to shriek in front of her.
Name withheld, Wilts

A. Go to any ironmongers where you will find that most useful gadget, the door wedge. Purchase one. Explain to your daughter that she can spare herself the embarrassment of seeing her mother shrieking like a fishwife if she will discreetly insert the wedge under her dormitory door once the others are safely in bed. The wedge will allow you to sidestep any challenge to your authority. You can even stay on in bed since the boys will only be able to open the door half an inch or so and will then have to go back to their room with their tails between their legs, mission unaccomplished.

Q. What do you do about guests who come too early to dinner? I am constantly rushing down in my dressing-gown to open the door to people who come too early and it enrages me. If they even come one minute early, I am furious because I have usually judged that minute to the second — time to put on my shoes, lipstick, smile, eyeliner, etc.
Name and address withheld

A. You can pre-empt this nuisance by the following method. Fix a notice to the door saying ‘back at eight’ or whatever time you have invited them for, then begin your preparations. Should anyone arrive before eight they will see the notice and either retreat to their car and wait or pushily ring the doorbell or your mobile anyway. Should they do this pull open the front door while apologising, ‘I am so sorry not to be ready for you. I had no idea it was eight o’clock!’ Admitting that it is not yet eight o’clock your guests will insist on waiting quietly till you are ready.