Mary Killen
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Q. I am a member of a library in London and some time ago introduced a friend. The library is an exceptionally civilised and tolerant place, where the few rules are enforced not so much by the unofficious staff as by a general attitude of observance by its members. One rule is that no food or drink should be taken into the reading rooms except water. Everyone seems to abide by this apart from my friend, who regularly saunters in with Starbucks coffee, sandwiches etc — and recently sunflower seeds, whose shells were then strewn about the floor around her. Feeling some responsibility and with feigned lightheartedness, I once ticked my friend off directly, only to be scolded for being such a prig. I now bristle silently whenever I see her chomping away and, ashamed to say, am afraid that she might interrupt her noshing to greet me. What can I do to persuade her to mend her ways?
— P.E., London SW10
A. Your friend deserves to be punished, not least for the distracting noises of consumption. Next time you witness the outrage, you will have to play school sneak. Either scribble a note to the librarian who normally presides over the reading room or, in his absence, hasten stealthily to the lobby to alert another member of staff so they can catch her in the act. Let a proper official take her to task while you keep your own head down.
Q. Each year I arrange for a group of old friends and their wives to meet up for dinner in a private room of a restaurant, We always pay for ourselves and none of us is hard up, but is there a gracious way to collect the 20 or more payments without too much ado or unseemly discussions of cost?
— J.H., London SW5
A. Since these are old and presumably trusted friends, settle the bill in total yourself and next day email out the individual bills with details of your sort code and account number.
Because you read about etiquette
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