Dear Mary: how can I tell young people to pipe down at dinner parties?

Q. I find that when I go to mixed-age dinner parties the young all seem to be shouting. How can one tell them to pipe down without puncturing their ‘self esteem’?

– N.H., London SW7

A. Young people’s voices have indeed become louder. The habit of wearing headphones and watching Netflix with subtitles so they can double-screen has compromised their ability to hear real-life voices and in response they shout. If, apart from the shouting, you still enjoy socialising with the young, you could equip yourself with noise sensitivity loop earbuds and use these in some capacity.

Q. I am an artist and have started employing a neighbour who comes to my house two mornings a week to help with the compilation of a back catalogue of my work. She must have downloaded a backgammon app on to her laptop, as I have noticed her online, playing a game if she thinks, for example, I am distracted on a telephone call or while I’m talking to someone else in the house. It may sound selfish or egotistical, but I would prefer her to be absorbed in our joint project while she is on the premises, during periods where I have broken off to deal with other matters. I would even prefer her to be staring into space while she waits for me to re-engage with her. After all, I am paying her an hourly rate. I could handle the situation swiftly if she wasn’t a neighbour. How can I, firmly but nicely, get her working properly for me?

– Name and address withheld

A. Why not buy a backgammon board from Pickett and have it set up in your office? You could say ‘I have noticed you enjoy playing’ and then suggest a daily routine of ‘the best of three’ before you both settle down to work. In this way you enhance the existing sympathy between the two of you and she will think twice about indulging her compulsion when you are distracted.

Q. I don’t have the need, nor the means to pay, for full-time help but over the past few years have always been able to call on the children of friends when I need waiters to assist at dinner or drinks parties. My problem is that all these useful young people have grown up and now have full-time jobs and finding someone well-brought-up to help seems impossible. Any ideas, Mary?

– M.W., London W8

A. Try to sign up with @syhconnected on Instagram. This is a new invitation-only network linking well-behaved youths (usually university students) who want to earn money with reliable hosts who need pop-up staff, often at short notice. Well-connected Alexa Ridley has set up the service. The fees are affordable.