Dear Mary: How do you leave a party early?

Q. How can you leave a party early – e.g. at midnight rather than 4 a.m. – without everyone thinking you are letting the side down? My partner and I really enjoyed a recent wedding of two friends but we had to take a flight to the wedding and therefore had a really early start. By midnight we had been up for 16 hours without a break and, although it was really fun, we were shattered and just wanted to go back to the hotel. However, when we mentioned we were leaving, the whole table turned on us and we had to stay on till the bitter end. What should we do the next time this happens?

– G.W., East Dulwich

A. In the run-up to when you want to leave, stage a row with your partner and allow the table to see you muttering darkly to one another with furious looks on your faces. One of you should then storm out with the other following in hot pursuit. This tactic should cover you.

Q. We are two single women visiting friends in Rome. We have met two young men with whom we have been socialising. We much prefer one’s company to the other’s, but the other is rather keen. We want to hang out with the one we prefer without having the threat of looming romantic overtures from the other. Is there a tactful way in which we can invite one without the other?

– K.G., Rome

A. The exclusion of one would be unkind, and pointed. Why not suggest: ‘A group of us are having dinner at ——… would you like to join?’ Arrive in time to arrange a place at table which seats neither of you beside the young man who poses the romantic threat. In this way you can keep up the friendship momentum while making it clear that your interest is platonic.

Q. I’m flying back from a villa holiday abroad and one of the group who left early has texted saying: ‘Can you bring my Chilly’s water bottle back? I left it at the villa.’ This bottle is really big and heavy and a huge inconvenience to carry back but I will feel guilty leaving it behind. What should I do?

– I.M., Kennington, London

A. It is one thing agreeing to bring back the proverbial left-behind phone charger but quite another to bring back a bulky bottle. It is perfectly all right to refuse this unreasonable request. If you can afford it, offer to buy her a replacement bottle online and have it sent directly to her home, explaining that you feel guilty about not bringing it back but you simply don’t have the room in your luggage. When she confers with friends they will all agree that you have done the right thing. She will refuse your kind offer to buy her another.