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Tuesday
We need to find something for Our Leader to throw. Jed says we cannot be complacent about Gordon hurling mobile phones. Passion is important and the word ‘nice’ is coming up far too often in Lord A’s focus groups. (Along with ‘Tintin’ — must get that hairdo sorted.) I suggested the odd cappuccino mug could get flung at the whiteboard but Jed said that would invite speculation that Dave has ditched the modernising agenda. We need to pick something old-fashioned and useless. Which reminded me just in time to take poor Foxy’s lunch to the Tranquillity Room! He’s been ‘in hiding’ there since Mr Lansley’s comments about health spending. I’m astonished no one has managed to find him but people don’t tend to go there any more. Now that we’ve got the Austerity Room with crisps and sweets and daytime TV no one seems to want beanbags and stress scrunchers, so the T Room’s a great place to resolve a spending row. Nigel says we should rename it the Triangulation Room, which everyone found v funny, although I’m not entirely sure why.
Wednesday
We had to put Mr Clarke in for a bit of a rest too. He can be so hardworking. We specifically told him not to bother defending our Lisbon Treaty policy and particularly not to wear himself out trying to explain what ‘we will not let matters rest there’ means. No offence to our future Chancellor — oops, I mean former! — but many brains have tried and failed. Now he’s had a go and made a predictable mess of it. No, it does not mean ‘we will ask some questions and be a bit careful about things’. It means something quite different. Only Mr Hague knows what and only Mr Hague can explain. Which he will in due course. At the moment he’s devoted to Iran. It’s not easy expressing in the strongest possible terms that we would like to do something or other if things were different and we were able to, which we are not.
Thursday
Mr Mitchell on the phone again. Wants to know whether Dave has signed the papers yet. How many times do we have to tell him? Just because he’s given up a six-figure salary to stay in the shadow cabinet does not mean we have to sign a contract guaranteeing him a job in government. Or if we did give that impression, we didn’t mean to. We say a lot of things when we’re trying to persuade people to give up their outside interests. In any case, he hasn’t signed and returned the section promising not to vote for Mr Bercow.
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