Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 24 March 2007

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  Tamzin Lightwater

  Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 24 March 2007

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Alexander Larman

What happened to the Rishi Sunak I knew at school?

Amazed to see the Battle of Dave’s Hair still raging. This has surpassed all our expectations and just goes to show that you should never underestimate the power of a distraction briefing. Who would have thought last week when we were forced to act to take the pressure off green taxes that the papers would still be full of ‘Parting-gate’ four days later? But with skilful management of news and Dave’s barnet we have achieved it. Mind you, I think even Dave was getting bit fed up when Jed told him we had prepared a ‘Third Way’. I mean, it’s one thing to comb it right, then left, but he had a terrible job getting it to slick straight down the centre again. It’s been almost a year since it was swept back Hammer House of Horror-style and it wouldn’t play ball without gel. The problem now is — where next? This is always the dilemma in politics when a strategy has worked particularly well. You have to think of your next move. Jed has asked for suggestions before the end of the week for the ‘Hair to Blair’.

Wednesday

V excited about our doctrine of ‘Social Action’. Wondering whether can get into the arena of combating poverty and exclusion myself by pioneering a little scheme in Wibberley. I understand that the Busy Bees Teashop needs its walls repainting due to an excess of sticky fingers. Surely the Modern Conservative Party must answer the call! Ask not what your teashop can do for you!

Also, must get myself signed up to our Africa trip. It’s £800 but, if you ask me, tremendous value for money, and therefore true to core Tory principles. You get to save Rwanda and sleep in a mudhut with dishy Mr Mitchell! Am prepared to fight Poppy for this one in traditional Tory-girl style — Miu Miu handbags at dawn in the hub.

Thursday

Submitted my forward-planning ‘Emergency Distraction’ suggestion. V clever, v left-field — said we should think up a stunt that is not hair-orientated, e.g., Dave visiting the dentist, or Dave queuing up at his local NHS minor injuries drop-in centre for emergency chiropody, or Dave chatting to a homeopath, etc.

But in the end Poppy won the day with her rather boring proposal for Sam to have Victoria Beckham-style hair extensions next time we’re in trouble. So Old Politics. Yawn!