Taki
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Could a man by the name of Hitler run for office in Germany? I don’t see why not, but others I am sure would mind, and very much at that. Romano Mussolini, the Duce’s youngest son, had a successful career as a jazz pianist in post-war Italy, as did Sophia Loren’s niece, his daughter, who has repeatedly been voted a deputy using the Mussolini name. Stalin’s daughter refused to use her papa’s name when she defected to the US of A, but reverted to it once she returned to mother Russia, only to leave again. The Bin Laden name, of course, is everywhere, especially in Gstaad, where one of his nephews with wife and children gives discreet cocktail parties for rich folk, as George W. Bush would call them. For some strange reason the invites are by email or by telephone.
Better yet, would any of you invest with someone called Madoff — no relation — if he really showed some amazing results? I bet you’d chicken out. I know I would, especially if his performance were above average. Poor Mr Madoff no relation. You’ve done nothing wrong except carry the wrong moniker, yet no one will invest in you. Better change it to Cohen, although Stevie is also under a dark cloud. And what about Savile Row after the Jimmy Savile row? There’s a hell of a lot of touching going on — while fittings take place — so my friends at Anderson & Sheppard have to be extra careful.
Wendi Murdoch’s name, before it became Wendi, was Cultural Revolution, an obviously sycophantic effort on the part of her parents to please the powerful. Christian, or first names, needless to say, are easier to handle, especially when they’re not that Christian-sounding. Achilles is a very popular name in Greece, and Prince Achilles is the young grandson of King Constantine. Clytemnestra, Agamemnon’s wife, I do not recommend, because the Americans will surely call the poor girl Clitoris for short. Hector is a very popular name in South America, as is that of our Lord Jesus. They pronounce it Hesus. Alexander is, of course, the most popular, and that includes the feminine, in the mother of my children’s case, as well as our columnist, Alexander Chancellor. The sainted editor has two famous names, the first after the famous Scottish clan, and the surname after England’s greatest naval hero. This is as it should be. The Spectator cannot have an editor called simply Taki. It would be too tacky.
Which brings me to the end of my story about names. During my infamous libel case in 1986, the bullying judge Otton asked me what Taki stood for. It is a diminutive for Virgin Mary, I replied to loud guffaws from the peanut gallery. And what does Theodoracopulos stand for, asked his lordship. Gift from God, I answered to even louder Bronx cheers. The Speccie and I lost the case. Names are important, but at times we can’t help it. Adolf Hitler’s real name was Adolf Schicklgruber. He changed it and ruined it for other Hitlers. As did Gabriele D’Annunzio, whose name originally was Gabriele Rapagnetta, but at age 11 he knew no one would take him seriously with a name like that, which I believe means little carrot. And then there are fools who have perfectly good names and change them to Rock & Roll.
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