Toby Young
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For instance, the other day she found Caroline and me in the sitting room trying to put a pair of antlers up above the fireplace.
They had once belonged to a ‘royal’, a source of considerable pride to me. ‘Why are you putting those up there?’ she asked.
‘It’s a hunting trophy,’ I said. ‘When you kill a stag it’s customary to display its horns on the wall.’
‘So did you kill a stag, then?’
I was about to say yes — and launch into one of my favourite anecdotes — when I caught Caroline’s eye over Sasha’s shoulder. She shook her head vigorously.
‘Er, no.’
‘Why are you putting the horns up on the wall, then? Is it because you want people to think you killed one?’
‘Er…’ I glanced over at Caroline who was now nodding emphatically. ‘Yes, that’s right.’
‘I see,’ said Sasha, looking me up and down as if she had never before realised quite how pathetic I am.
Since this incident, Sasha has taken to spending more and more time with our next-door neighbours. They have a son her age and as soon as she gets back from school she hops over the fence and disappears into their house. We usually don’t see her again until 8 p.m. — and even then she only pops back to get her toothbrush. Caroline and I are now in the unusual position of being stay-at-home parents with a part-time child. I fear that if one of us does not go back to work we will soon lose the rest of them.
On the plus side, the Policy Exchange proposal — which looks certain to find itself in the next Conservative party manifesto — may have the unintended consequence of encouraging Caroline to resume her legal career. At the moment her argument for not doing so is that the extra money she would be bringing in would be entirely absorbed by the cost of hiring a full-time nanny. However, if she was given a universal childcare allowance, she could put that towards the nanny’s salary, thereby making the prospect of going out to work more attractive.
She almost certainly won’t bother, though. If the Conservatives win the next general election, I can envisage many a row over whether I am entitled to a share of this weekly benefit cheque.
By my reckoning, I do about one third of the childcare to Caroline’s two thirds, but something tells me she will dispute this.
Toby Young Is Associate Editor Of The Spectator.
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