Mary Killen
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Q. Staying with English friends in the south of France (about whom I have written to you before) my hosts took me to a rather raucous fancy dress party. Being sartorially challenged, I opted for a very short belly-dancing skirt and a minimalist top. My fortysomething hostess went as a Seventies go-go dancer so I did not feel underdressed. The party was made up of an eclectic mix of doctors, designers, artists, rock stars and other exotica, and after supper the music began in earnest. You cannot possibly imagine my frisson of excitement when I was smoothly and subtly led on to the dance floor by a very glamorous lesbian. You can, however, imagine my horror as I went through my saucy dance routine to look up to find my host — his own outfit a Paddington bear straw hat complete with Eton Rambler ribbon and the obligatory tomato-red trousers (oh yes, and those monogrammed espadrilles) — positively ‘leaking’ schoolboy excitement on the side of the dance floor while taking photographs of my dancing partner and me. My horror took on new meaning the following day when, before breakfast, I received not one but four telephone calls from friends in England imploring me to give full details of my evening’s ‘triumph with the ladies’. May I seek your advice as to how I may publicly and immediately dispel the rumour that has been circulating like a riptide that I may, indeed, have Sapphic leanings? My host, through his indiscriminate and juvenile gossiping, threatens to destroy my renown as an enigmatic and enthralling lover of men.
J.M. (Mrs), London SW11
A. It would be all too easy to retaliate. You could, for example, doctor some images from a gay glossy, digitally grafting on your host’s head and emailing the result to your mutual friends, but why bother? Your friend’s prank was a compliment of sorts. It could work to your advantage in these days where even non-celebrities need to remind their ‘public’ of their existence. Now tongues are already wagging internationally; you are the subject of renewed interest and speculation — and some slavering — and you can only look forward to an upsurge in your social cachet. The truth will eventually out but, in the meantime, enjoy.
Q. I have been bequeathed a shoeboxful of brass and white metal regimental badges. Many of the units represented have already merged or been abolished, some recently under threat from the frightful Hoon. Attractive and interesting objects that they are, I should like to display them but, rather than mount them on maroon or green baize, I would like to use the rough khaki material of the old British uniform battledress. Can this fabric still be obtained by the square yard?
S.M., Linton, Cambridge
A. The khaki serge material you mention is in short supply, but the civil and military regalia firm of Toye, Kenning & Spencer Ltd in Bedworth, Warwickshire (established 1685), can furnish you with the requisite quantity of it. They are experts in the re-ribboning, mounting and framing of medals and regimental cap badges. Mr Philip Frost will be able to help you on 02476 848890.
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