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Q. My mother-in-law is getting on a bit now, and is not the woman she was. On recent visits to her house, she has served my husband and me with only partly defrosted chicken (which we then had discreetly to dispose of without eating it). Now she has agreed to have our four children, aged four to ten, to stay for a few days while we are both away on business. How can I prevent her from giving them food-poisoning in our absence without hurting her feelings?
Name and address withheld
A. The elderly are less susceptible to food-poisoning than the young, their stomachs having been strengthened in early life by multiple exposure to slightly ‘off’ food, which explains why your mother-in-law does not regularly go down herself. Your children will simply have to pretend to have become vegetarian for the duration of the visit to their grandmother. Even the insensate will find it very difficult to poison their guests with vegetables.
Q. I am about to have a novel published but am not famous enough to merit a string of profiles in the press. How do you suggest I go about getting some publicity?
J.M., London NW3
A. Go to the tabloids purporting to be suffering from some kind of unusual medical condition such as double bladder disorder (read up on it first). Spill the graphic beans in exchange for a plug for your book. You will find the editors all too eager to co-operate.
If you have a problem, please write to Dear Mary, c/o 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.
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